Woke up with different kind of essence in me. Ah well, immunity wins.

"Lights off.
Now, glow"

 

I remember writing about being on the stage of the world back then and how I forgot about it, is typically just like me. And thankfully, when the reason of me writing that entry in the first place has occurred again, it was like a cue for me to remember what I once forgotten.
Straight to the point; what type of contribution you want to contribute to the world? No, this is not about donation in the context of materialism,

The stage of the world, I mean, everyone is on it. Each of us plays a role in the world regardless of you are anti-social or you are part of the socialites. What character we played by being alive? This character, leads to what type of actions and consequences that comes from being that particular character. This actions and consequences are the contributions that we literally contribute to the world, to our one lucky earth;
Earth; Being at the perfect distance from the sun = the right temperature, the right harmony between the molecules to form the right matter
Even the molecules know how to form the right matter. I know that I am supposed to be progressively learning the lesson of life. But I'm keeping number 18 to myself. 18 to me is Dark. Whatever that means is not the point. The point is, the reason why I'm keeping that is because of the way reality stabbed my back.
"Big deal, reality bites... duh", says the man behind the counter.
Yeah. And the fact that some people choose to contribute something to the world which does not making the world to be a better place... is the reason why earth or at least, my life, can never be persistently naturally positive. The molecules, being harmony to each other even though they were different! What kind of character you've chosen to play in life??? I don't really care about the role in the context of materialism i.e. the role of staff in a company or a student in a University. I'm talking about role as a human to human; heart to heart. What CAN you contribute to the world to make it a better place? Don't tell me you want to be a manipulative sicko and persuade every godamn conversation just to get what you want, or that you want to be a master for someone else's life? That's sick. If you tell me that, then I guess there can never be a heaven on earth and that people who believed that are wasting their time for dreaming for it.

"You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one"
-John Lennon

If you asked me, I'd say Myanmar is the place (besides than Malaysia) where I got my earliest baby-steps in getting the big picture... I don't know if ever the term 'big picture' make any sense to some. If it doesn't, I hope I didn't make you be in question mark, because that feelings sucks. But regardless of that, still, Myanmar is Myanmar; how's Cambodia? Well, I like Cambodia as much as I like Myanmar.

I don't feel like talking much about what our activity was or what we did thoroughly, maybe a little bit here and there. Like how I feel about Tuk-Tuk. I remember being in a Tuk-Tuk feeling so high!!! Haha! I mean, high on... being... in a Tuk-Tuk. Seriously, the first time I got to know that we were about to take Tuk-Tuk as our transportation to the hotel, I was very calmly excited. That ride is the coolest ride I've ever been on! I don't get the chance to take Tuk-Tuk while in Myanmar, so ada la teruja sikit kat situ. I went to Cambodia with my sister, as she sponsored me to go along. So it was just two girls; us, in a country where we barely know anything, or anyone. And the Tuk-Tuk driver, was considered to be our 'guide' on being out and about to places that might potentially clicked with our interest... the typical foreigner's interest; great panoramas, historic places, bargains and stuff like that.

Those places, the journey... I couldn't ask for more. There were times during my time in Cambodia where my sister and I were drained out! We were so freaking tired that we happened to have this mutual understanding, we didn't said it to each other, but we just sat down at a place before we take a short nap. Yes. I'm talking about taking a nap at a place where people literally walking, taking pictures and being in awe about those historic buildings; and then we were there, lying on the floor, sleeping, unconsciously! Ngahahaha! My, how fun that was, not kidding! And from this trip, I understand my sister a little bit better now, as in, I learned more about her. My dad once told me, if you want to know someone, be on a trip together. One thing we have in common is that, we don't really need to eat anything when we're being out and about. At least during the trip. High-five to that! If you're wondering what do I think of her personally, I'm not going to be cheesy and stuff, but yeah, I think every sister in the world wants to be like her .

A lot of things while I was there, that I've successfully remembered and stored them in my memory so I can make them as my 'life-jackets' whenever I need one.... you know, whenever I feel like I'm sinking. These life-jackets, should be something like a knowledge gained; it should be something that CERTAINLY useful. I have lately, sometimes, felt a very over the top GOOD FEELING. Who knows why and how I got it. Perhaps because I've completed some thing in my day, like when I've done my jogging or successfully cleaned the room. And not to be ungrateful about it, but this good feelings, coming out of nowhere, were very impermanent. It does gave me goosebumps, and for a couple of minutes, happiness. It's like a reward. And I've always tried to remember to say thank you whenever I felt it. But I've seen how it affects my long term journey in life; It still doesn't help me clearing my confusion. I still cried during at night, at times when I just couldn't get it, certain things that happened in my life. Those good feelings were indeed, very impermanent. There were times when I'm feeling low, I'm wishing upon it. It was like, I completed some thing or challenged myself to do things just to get that good feeling. And then, forgetting the big picture all together, and being at nothing close to peace and harmony; Just for that temporary good feeling. Don't get me wrong please, I beg you. I do cherish them! It's just that, I'm at this point in life, searching for something permanent. Something that can catch me whenever I fall, whenever I'm sinking. I never thought that I could reached to this realization, since I am a BIG failure in relationship. And relationship is all about making things permanent, or at least, about putting an effort to make things last. And I guess, Cambodia was the place to get some of these 'life-jackets' for my own. It could be anywhere in between the earth and the sky to get them, but somehow, I got them while in Cambodia. It's almost as silly to call life-lesson as life-jacket... since literally, they were both completely different things. But it makes sense to me, and that's all I should be worry about at the moment. What were the lessons I've gained? I'll share them in here, from time-to-time

So yes, there you go. "What Cambodia had contributed to my life journey".

Hey, enjoy the pictures. And oh, thank you Cambodia (hat's off).



























"You gotta remember
to open your palms
in order to hold"

-------------------------------------------------------
*There are still many pictures I haven't uploaded yet. Can't upload anymore for the day since my account isn't premium. By God's will, I will upload it tomorrow.

Will be leaving this lovely country for Cambodia in another few hours and I'm still not packing anything yet. Trying to tune myself with the right attitude and the right emotions. Bwah!

So, another different country means new panoramas. I wish nothing but a bless journey. Going to different country, you never know what you will get. The uncertainty usually will affects me right now, it should scares me like how it usually did. But hey, guess who's excited, in a calm way? Em, me! I don't know why my sister is being so generous to sponsored my trip to Cambodia. Who am I to say no? Thank you from the bottom of my heart kakak ku yang paling cantik sekali dalam dunia! I told her that the theme song for the trip is 'Paradise' by Coldplay (Yes, wishing for a video camera now! God knows why)

I wrote a song once, when I'm saddened by my own inflexibility in adapting and resulted me blaming the surrounding for being incompatible with my state of emotion at that time. That song, shall be my life jacket whenever I hit a wall. I'm hoping it will save me from my 'the-darkside-of-the-moon' mind. Thought of recording the song (using my 'most-convenient' headphone which comes with a mic), but it never turns out to be something that meets the requirement for at least, a 5 years old kid to listen to. So, up until now, no final recording have ever been made. But I would want to share the lyrics here, so here it goes...

We have our own way of thinking,
But we are not bound to be sinking,
Just because we are different,
We are not bound to be sinking,

I'm sorry if I disagree,
I'm sorry if you disagree,
But we're not bound to be enemies,
So I'm gonna let my pride go,
Wishing that you'll do the same,
Wishing that you'll do the same...

We came from different background,
I might have been through things you haven't,
And you might have been through things harder,
But we are from the same heaven,

We are from the same heaven...
I'm gonna let it go
I'm gonna let my pride go


"Differences should not scare me,
Nor shall it be the reason I fall"

...nothing of my intention to be negative or to portray my moment in this lovely island as something opposite to all the beautiful things in the world; trust me, my moment here has been most of it, moderately sweet. It just that I've realized one thing regarding my desire to have the good things in life; you're not prepared for the worst thing to come or the birds shits on your car. The picture below, is an example of life being such an ugly bitch sometimes.